for SCIENCE!
by Tjin
Summary: Xanders car is eaten by a weird blue portal and he gets transported somewhere else, can his day get any worse?
1. Chapter 1

Blue Portals

Xander Harris stared blankly at the spot just slightly in front of him, in shock. He had stopped by the side of the road to relieve himself during a particularly long stretch of Pacific Northwest nothing he had been driving through on his Road Trip. While stopped his car had been eaten by a magic portal of some sort.

After several empirical tests made by tossing a stone through where his car had been and poking the general area with a stick, Xander had come up with the theory that his car was well and truly gone.

Checking both directions of the tree lined road, Xander sighed, he had been driving for almost an hour in one direction with no sign of life and it looked like it would have taken at least another hour of driving to see anything else. It was one of the reasons he had pulled over for his nature call instead of simply holding it in hopes of finding a rest stop of some sort.

Kicking a small pile of rubble into the nearly perfect circular hole in the ground that had once held everything he might once have owned, Xander grumbled several unsavory things towards the universe in general before heading down the road in the direction he was originally traveling in.

The universe responded in true bastardry fashion by starting a rather strong rainstorm just for his benefit.

-

Eureka was a small town of somewhat interesting design, the technology that could be seen in the everyday lives of the inhabitants was amazing to behold, if one was looking. Xander Harris though, was stomping through the cheery streets with a look that mixed Hannibal Lecter crazy and a pissed off honey badger together in a new and unique form of madness. He snarled vile obscenities to the world at large as he tracked his prey with a wooden club he had either found or gnawed off a tree in his rage.

The current focus for his anger was the rather scruffy mongrel that had barreled into him several miles back and knocked him head over heels down the muddy embankment. Had that been the first time it had happened he would have likely just growled slightly and moved on with his life. This dog, this THING had knocked him over nine times in his tireless trek towards the town. It seemed to get a perverse pleasure out of torturing him and he had recently decided that he would respond by being the bigger man, which meant he intended to club the animal over the head, kill it, skin it, eat it and wear it's pelt as a trophy to the superiority of mankind.

It wasn't like he was petty or anything.

His current march of vengeance ground to a stop as a Jeep Grand Cherokee pulled over in front of him and a rather portly man in a Sheriff's uniform got out with a smile. "Well, I must say that today seems to be our day for visitors. First that Marshal and now…" he chuckled as he waved at the mud and muck covered Xander, "Now I hate to be nosey, but do you mind telling me what the stick is for?"

Staring at the man without really seeing him, Xander finally managed to focus on the question after several seconds, "Dog," he growled out as he rechecked his grip on the tool of his vengeance while the Sheriff chuckled again.

"Yeah, he's a local hazard," He explained before reaching down and carefully taking the club away from him. "How about you tell me what happened and I'll see about getting you on your way, the dog can wait."

Blinking at the older man, Xander tried to process the question before giving up and just going with the truth as he was far too exhausted to think up a decent lie. "Car, eaten, portal, blue, walk, dog, DIE!" the last was growled as his hands made a strangling motion. His mind went back to the demon dog that had haunted his steps for the vast majority of his twenty mile forced march.

Throwing his hands up in a defensive motion, the Sheriff just smiled again at the boy's reaction. "Okay, okay, calm down. Let's get you back to the station and see about getting you cleaned up and maybe fed. We can deal with the dog later."

Dropping his hands as the exhaustion hit, Xander just nodded, "Okay. Dogs bad. Demon dogs hunting me and TREES! And, and, Hyenas are like dogs and bad… and…tuxedos and Prom…" Climbing into the back of the Jeep, Xander drifted off to sleep as he continued to complain about the evils of dogs.

Closing the back of his vehicle, Sheriff William Cobb looked down at the shaggy dog that sat at his feet with a doggy grin plastered across his face and sighed. "Now was that really necessary?"

The dog's affirmative bark seemed to settle the matter as the dog ran off to continue his sworn duty of protecting the citizens of Eureka from boredom.

For his part, Cobb got back in the Jeep and headed towards the jail. The boy could sleep it off in one of the cells while Jo babysat their other "guest."

-

Deputy Josephina 'Jo' Lupo growled as she sat behind the desk and cleaned her weapons. The 'Felon Spice' reject was gone, thankfully, but their new 'guest' as Cobb put it was still snoring in the second cell.

Reassembling her weapon and snapping the action after she finished, Jo was surprised as the teen grunted from the cell.

"MP Five, Forty, full auto," Xander grunted out in his sleep before rolling over to face the wall.

Blinking at the words, Jo looked down at her weapon and frowned. "No way," she muttered before setting the MP5 down on the desk and considered what had just happened. Her first thought was that it was a trick, he had to have only been pretending to sleep and had seen her disassemble the weapon in the first place. The second thought was far more terrifying. While Jo had enough experience to tell the difference between rifles, shotguns and pistols, she had known only a select few that could tell specific details about the weapons from their sounds.

Drawing her sidearm, Jo kept the weapon concealed from the cell and racked the slide.

"M9 military issue Berretta, nine millimeter with illegal full auto modification to trigger assembly," Xander said in his sleep as Jo tried very hard not to panic. Holstering her pistol, Jo pulled out one of GD's newest and greatest toys from under her desk and activated the mag-coils.

"Global Dynamics Gauss Pistol prototype, advanced Magneto Fusion Array energy source. Failed military issuance due to overheating and detonation during rapid fire engagements," Xanders sleepy mumbling drew a concerned look from the deputy as she gingerly set the weapon back down before leaning back in her chair.

-

Waking up in a rush Xander took a few moments to figure out where he was before calming down as everything came back to him. Sitting up, he looked around blearily before finally focusing on the hot older woman on the far side of the bars. "Umm… Hi?"

-

In another world and time a Washington State Trooper found the abandoned fifty seven Chevy by the side of the road and after a quick check of the plate and numbers made a quick call to Sunnydale, the next three weeks were spent in a frantic search for the missing young man before the search was called off. The file would never be closed and the Scooby gang would always wonder what happened to their friend, at least until a demonic hybrid managed to raise an army and kill them all before waging war against the world in a mad desire to follow its creators wish.

In time the war would be ended and the world saved by a rather mad doctor in a blue box, but that is a story for another time.

-

(A/N) I don't know if i will continue this, but i do not own BtVS, Eureka or Doctor Who.


	2. Chapter 2

"Out"

Looking up, Xander blinked at the rather Irate officer that had been watching him for the last day or so. As the rest of the town picked up after some event or another, he had overheard world ending and portals and had broken out of the cell by pressing himself through the bars.

One of the more advantageous and less talked about side effects of the swim team was a far more stabilized version of hypermobility, or simply double jointed, thanks to the advanced cartilage from the shark DNA.

Of course, after escaping he had gone in search of the demonic threat, only to be chased over hill and dale by both the military and Rambo-bina. It wouldn't have been so bad if that thrice-damned mongrel hadn't barked and drawn attention to him as he slipped outside.

It had taken them nearly two hours to run him to ground and even than he had been willing to fight his way to freedom, at least until the deputy had shot him with some sort of blue pulse ray gun that felt like a two-forty trunk line had been plugged into his skull.

Needless to say once the thrashing and twitching had worked its way out of his system, he had been properly secured in a manner that was both overly professional and extremely thorough and brought up certain questions about the Deputy's off duty time before he was hauled back to the jail and dumped back into his cell. He had been warned not to try it again.

They could have at least warned him that the bars had been electrified.

Blinking again at the statement, Xander glanced at the ray gun the woman carried before standing up slowly. "You're not going to tase me again are you," he asked cautiously as deputy glared.

"Not unless you make me," she growled before crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't like babysitting people. I am a Deputy Sheriff, it's not in the Job description."

Blinking Xander went through what he knew about the different law lnforcement agencies and their duties before frowning as several points his soldier persona he had picked up hit him, "Umm… you're a Sheriff's Deputy, you run the jails so… it IS In the job description."

"Do you WANT me to tase you?"

"I'm gone!" Xander hurried out of the cell and into the bright morning sunlight. Looking both ways, Xander finally spotted what looked like a café across the street and making his way over, he stepped inside. Immediately he was greeted by the overweight owner who was almost ecstatically happy to feed him and seemed crushed that he only wanted to use the phone.

-

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T EXIST?" Xander yelled into the phone as he resisted the urge to throw the phone at the wall. Turning around in frustration, Xander froze at the half dozen rather grim faced men in uniform that stood in a semi-circle around him with a beautiful, dark skinned woman taking the lead.

"Mr. Harris, my name is Alison Blake, Department of Defense. We're going to need you to come with us." She said seriously as the uniformed thugs shifted slightly in anticipation of him fighting.

Glancing around at the six of them, Xander hung the phone up and turned to face them directly. "Well Miss Blake, unless you stopped to pick up a warrant along with the six pack thugs you brought along, I don't HAVE to go anywhere with you. If you WANT me to go with you, bringing a half dozen knee breakers have me personally leaning towards resisting. And should you try to FORCE me to go with you I must say I take kidnapping very seriously," Xander said as he leaned back and watched the gathered occupants of the café for clues as to which way the wind was blowing.

After a moment, the DoD agent nodded to the leader of the thugs and they took several steps back, leaving him some breathing room. "I apologize, Mr. Harris. I didn't mean to threaten you, but you do represent a considerable issue that the Department of Defense would like to resolve in a timely manner," Alison said gently before motioning to a nearby table. "I'm willing to explain, if you will give me the time."

Double checking the thugs, Xander slid into the seat and motioned for her to join him.

Sitting down, Alison tried to figure out how to explain what had happened. "Mr. Harris before we begin I need to confirm, you are Alexander Harris, from Sunnydale California?" she asked before leaning forward. "Xander Harris, Friend to Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg and Rupert Giles?" she pressed slightly and leaned back at his nod.

This was going to be complicated.

-

"Wait, you have a form in the event a fictional character just show up? How many times has this happened," Xander asked from the lab as he sat glued to the TV as he watched the second episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He had watched the first episode and was still not quite able to wrap his mind around the fact that he was a fictional character.

Henry shrugged as he tapped on the computer "Not very often just two.."

"Don't forget the cat," Fargo interrupted as he resisted the urge to squeal at the thought of Xander Harris himself visiting them in Eureka.

"…Three times since the town was founded." Henry said with all seriousness before going back to researching how to get the young man back home. So far they hadn't had much luck. While they had gotten a couple of extra dimensional visitors, they had not been very successful in getting them back home. So far they had figured out that Xander had arrived via the tachyon event they had recently resolved.

Now they were working to get the young man settled as an active member of Eureka while they worked to get him back where he belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

The assembled leaders of the small town of Eureka sat down at the table in Café Diem and began to work through the problems that the everyday town did not run into. Items such as reimbursement for damages caused by rogue attack cyclones, harassment of biosynthetic algae and the resident headache, Alexander 'Who needs a Hellmouth' Harris.

When the issue first arrived it had been very simple, the president had looked over the gathered material his specialists had come up with and ordered the walking disaster area to vacate the dimension or face the full consequences. When it was pointed out to him that targeting the boy would not work, the president had briefly contemplated weaponising the chaos magnet by dropping him into places that they disliked and watching them self-destruct; North Korea, Iran, France.

After a time the president had been convinced to let the boy stay in Eureka where his personal level of chaos was only slightly above average for the havoc causing populace of the small town.

That had led them to attempting to find a place for the young man to fit in, his psych profile had been odd, to say the least. To be more direct, he had hit the tests like a bulldozer and skewed the results so badly that they had to flush the whole database and start over. The only advice the computer suggested before shutting down was to lock the boy into a padded room and then bury the room. The town leaders had then put their heads together and tried to come up with something for the boy to do.

His time under Taggert had been short and brutal, with Xander somehow requisitioning one of Global Dynamics Dozer Combat Vehicles and hunting Lowjack throughout the small town and surrounding countryside.

While the boy had failed to destroy his sworn nemesis, he had actually pointed out several glaring flaws in the Dozer design that Global Dynamics were working to correct before actual field testing.

His attempt at Aquatic marine observer had resulted in every fish in the lakes, tanks and ponds to flee from him in terror, which had actually opened up a whole new area of research for anti-shark research that had several eggheads excited enough to wet their dry-suits.

The request for him to try out for Global Dynamics Security had been shot down faster than Stark could scream 'Fargo with a Gun' and as much as Carter would like the extra help, Lupo had put her foot down on him joining as a deputy after his near disastrous attack on the returned Susan Pickens.

So far he had worked best at Café Diem where he had assisted Vincent during the lunch hour rush, but unfortunately that had left him with roughly twenty two hours a day to get into trouble. The assembled minds of Stark, Henry, Alison and Carter were wracking their brains trying to figure out a job that would not lead to chaos and destruction the likes of which the world was unprepared for.

Looking over at the current object of their stress as he swept the floor, Alison blinked as the young man's entire demeanor changed in an instant, leaping across a table he tackled a kid that had been talking to Fargo to the ground before wrestling an object from the boys hand. As Carter began to move, Alison blinked in shock as Xander threw the strange cube across the kitchen and into a rather large decorative cast iron cauldron Vincent had hanging on the wall, the pulse of an electromagnetic discharge signaled the death knell of something Eureka was ill equipped to deal with.

As Sheriff Jack Carter dealt with the surprisingly happy boy and Xander's recent assault on said child as he explained about the, 'Bad Juju', Alison glanced at the other two members of the town leadership. Henry was as shocked as Alison for a moment before Nathan nodded at the unspoken idea the three shared.

"I'll call Arty when I get back to the office, the Warehouse could use a Liaison of some sort here." He said before standing from the table "let the handcuff happy Sheriff know that Xander was in the right, we'll fit him into the chain of command somehow for when something like this happens again" Stark said before leaving Alison and Henry to deal with everything that had happened and get Xander up to speed on Warehouse 13 and all that it involved.

Blinking as the rather unimposing individual that walked into his apartment, Xander shuddered as he could almost feel the mystical items the man carried with him. While not of the same type as the ones he was used to working with, whatever the slightly portly guy with glasses had in the carpet bag was powerful and it was sending his hellmouth wiggens off the chart.

Stepping quickly into the apartment, Arthur "Artie" Nielsen took a seat as he looked the young man over carefully. When reaching towards his bag, he was slightly surprised that the boy set himself for an attack with his hand on a rather intimidating short sword he had concealed nearby. Carefully withdrawing an artifact from his bag, Arty set it on the table and leaned away. "What can you tell me about this?" he asked as Xander made sure he could Watch Arty closely before approaching.

"Eight ball, old ivory, early nineteen hundreds, probably first generation, lots of loss attached to it. Bad juju." he said analytically as Arty watched him carefully.

Nodding at that the caretaker of Warehouse 13 was amazed at how much the young man managed to get out of just looking at it, "Correct, this was actually the first black Eight ball produced by B.B.C. co Pool, back in nineteen oh eight. While all the rest were red and yellow this one made the rounds in the hands of a notorious shark, it was said that it was black to signify the mourning of your loss, that you would always lose your shirt against it," Arty explained before taking the item and placing it back in the bag. Over the next hour half a dozen items would be reviewed by Xander who would declare them, 'Bad Juju' or some other term. His greatest reaction had been when Arty had pulled the last object from his bag, a white ash stake used by Bram Stoker during his adventure.

Needless to say it had taken a lot of work to get Xander to relinquish the supposedly cursed item, an item that had driven every other wielder mad, an item that had accepted him as easily as the Tesla pistols had accepted Lattimer and Bering.

In all, it turned out to be a successful recruiting expedition. He would definitely endorse Alexander Harris for acceptance into the Warehouse.


End file.
